I guess I have a hard time with this primarily because I feel pretty strongly about contributing to our household. Granted my work hiatus/job search is NOT a permanent solution, but it doesn't blunt my feeling of thinking I am freeloader. I know that I'm not somewhere deep inside, but I have always even the type of person who has worked for whatever I have in life no matter how small it is. I am sure many people would cut their eyes at me because I have the "luxury" of taking the time to try to figure out what I am doing professionally, butI have major guilt. I want to contribute financially to our household, and I want to work.
I've been trying to figure out where this comes from. Jim was out of work last year due to his layoff, and I don't think he felt the way I do. I will say there is a difference between actively CHOOSING to leave a job and being told to. It wasn't Jim's choice to cut off his income, but it was mine. Also let's be real here: Jim's current career/job is much more lucrative than my last job. Much more. For my last job, I definitely took a pay cut to change careers (The idea of taking another one makes want to cry, but THAT is for another post). Regardless of what happened to Jim last year, we knew we could make it because he'd saved so much before we got married not because of my job. I think I want that for myself too. I want to know that regardless of whatever happens to Jim or his salary that I can sustain us and any little versions of me or Jim that will come along.
I can't get that feeling being a housewife.
That being said, I've only been out of work for week, so maybe I need to calm down.
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I totally understand the feeling. It sounds like a similar feeling to when I've gone too long without paying for my own dinner :) In our society, whether we are comfortable admitting it or not, money equates to power, and the power dynamic in a household with a single earner is different from that in one with two earners - not better or worse, just different. Perhaps you are uncomfortable with the potential for a shift in the power dynamic in your relationship with Jim, in your independence, etc.... I think the best thing to do is keep the lines of communication in your relationship open so you are continually reminded that you aren't a freeloader, and that you have a partner who is 3000% behind your quest for self-fulfillment :)
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