Wednesday, February 3, 2010

I Lie

I am a liar. Well, I like to not think about it as lying, but I have not told many people that I am no longer working. Essentially to cover my tracks, I have selectively lied to some people. I shouldn't say that I have lied really. In some cases, I just haven't really been dissuading folks from thinking a certain ideas about my job status. Hey, if you want to think that I am still traveling for work, please go right ahead. Luckily, I have not had to lie to that many people yet, but I will if I need to. Why? Well for self-protection against things like judgment, unsolicited advice and pity.

I know a lot of people in my parents' generation don't really think about things like job satisfaction. You went out and got a job; you kept it until you died or got a pension; and that was it. I'm sorry to be an older person snob, and I actually think there are people in my age bracket who are like this too; I just don't know that many of them. For many who have the blessing of a job right now, I think the idea that that you'd quit that job in Ye Olde Recession is crazy. How could I, Thirty-Something Nothing, do that to myself? Yes. I don't really want that conversation right now with anyone because I don't really feel the need to justify my actions to anyone.

I don't want anyone's unsolicited advice. EVERYONE has their own idea of what you're supposed to do in terms of job searches and achieving career satisfaction (or not needing to achieving it). Nine times out of ten they will let you know this. Everyone's got an opinion. I can't really say that I am ready to digest others opinions right now. I am still trying to figure out my own stance on what this process is supposed to be and what I really want to get out of it (simply a new job or a new career totally?).

I don't want anyone's pity. Most everyone who has told me that they admire my bravery and balls (for lack of a better word) in deciding to go through this process. I am sure I am creating a complete and total falsehood in my brain about whether or not people pity me for not having direction or a job, but it's there.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I don't think most people will understand what I am doing and why. Sometimes I can barely understand it myself. When people don't understand things, I find that they judge, make unnecessary comments or bring their own perspectives and emotions into the mix.

Since I'm not ready for others' "stuff" because I am still dealing with mine, I've decided to just keep everyone in the least for a little while longer.

This is all too bad because I hate lying.

What would you do if you were me? I know I have can sometimes have a warped sense of people, so feel free to call me out on it.