Tuesday, June 1, 2010

June 1 (no catchy title for this post) :)

Hey there!

I've had a very busy late May (and June will be even more busy), and so I have not been writing as much as I'd like here. I also have to admit that my inspiration has been running a little low lately. I think I may be transitioning into a different phase in my little journey, so I am trying to figure out which fork in the road to take.

One thing that has been on my mind lately is the fact that people think what I am doing is easy. Well, it's not. Maybe I'm beginning to sound like a broken record here, but this job/career path search thing doesn't necessarily mean I sit at home and pop bon bons all day yelling at Oprah (although occasionally I would like to yell at Oprah). I don't want to start out this week here on the blog being angry, but I must say that I am getting a little tired of people feeling like I am chillin' here living the good life. I've had a few "comments" both verbal and written that what I am doing is somehow cushy and carefree. I will agree about that fact that Jim (my husband, not his real name) and I are not currently worried about paying our bills. We're making it. That being said, I don't really feel like what I am doing is constitutes an extended vacation.

This is %$@^#& is hard. Why? Well....

I spend most of my days alone. Most people I know have jobs and if they don't have jobs they are in school so that they can (you guessed it) find jobs. The other people I know have found a way to start their own gigs. This process in general is also pretty lonely because I often feel that I have no one to talk to about all of this. Most people I know have no clue what it's like to do real career exploration. Doing a job search is one thing, but I am in the process of possibly reinventing myself career-wise (or at least exploring that possibility) and most people I know: 1) don't understand why I'd want to do that; or 2) have never undertaken this themselves so they don't really get it. Others are ridunkilously successful themselves, so they don't really get a Thirty Something Nothing like me who's always struggled with feeling empowered in my career.

I guess people think that watching my husband work very hard everyday while I am not in the position to help; knowing that my earning potential is slowly eroding every day that I am not doing something (starting a business or working); not necessarily seeing the fruits of networking labor, yadda, yadda, yadda is wonderfully amazing. NOT! I wish I could send these people this blog post, so that they could somehow stop projecting their own staycation/funemployment fantasies on me. This is not a vacation and a lot of times it's not fun. I'm not struggling living in abject poverty alone, but this little journey of mine has its own related issues, frustrations and heartbreaks that I wish people would find the time to think about before opening their mouthes or letting the words fly across their keyboards and onto their computer screens.

Okay. Phew! I'm glad that I got that out. :) I usually don't blog like a meany or "angry", but sometimes I think you've got to put stuff out there. Thanks for letting me get this off of my chest.

More informative and (hopefully) inspiring stuff to come.

By the way...OMG..it's JUNE!!!!