I think I've mentioned in the past that I hate writing hard posts. Exposing yourself to others isn't so much fun, but yet I keep at this blog anyway. So let me make a feeble attempt to write about something that is hard for me:
Comparing myself to others.
Comparing yourself to others is like the self-esteem Kiss of Death, but wouldn't you agree that it's quite hard to resist? The worst past of this for me is that I know WAAAY too many professionally successful people. My friends and acquaintances make law firm partner at 30; testify before Congress; start successful businesses and non-profits; are neurosurgeons; call the President "Barack" and not while they are on the couch watching "60 Minutes;" and are overall bad asses. Yet, here I am barely able to figure out what to do next career-wise. Did I tell you that many of these people are my age or younger? Maybe I need to meet a whole new group of people. ;) To say that I feel a certain level of inadequacy when I think about some of these people is a little bit of an understatement.
By the way, I like to not think about this as jealousy. Jealousy to me suggests that I want what others have. I assure you that I don't want to be a law firm partner (ha!). Although testifying before Congress wouldn't be such a bad thing. :) But seriously, this is more my longing for wanting to feel like I am making a valuable contribution somewhere professionally and ('cause can I have an ego for a second? Thanks!) to get recognized for it in some small way. I don't think that's too much to ask, but perhaps it is. When I see these people, I don't want their jobs or success rather it makes me wonder: When is my time?
I wish I could tell you that I have some wonderful advice about how to combat this, but all I can do is just list for you what I try to remind myself. Usually my bouts of "You're sort of a loser, TSN" go away pretty instantly, but I like preventative mini-mantras like these:
1. There is always going to be someone out there better than you at something. In other words, be humble. There is always going to be someone you might think is more successful or better at something than you are. It doesn't mean that you're not amazing. You bring something totally different to the table.
2. Be thankful for what you do have. The grass is always greener; just be happy you even HAVE grass! I try to practice thankfulness, and some days I am better at it than others. I do recognize that having a professional path is NOT the only thing in life. Hello! I've got a great family, supportive, loving husband and seem to be going through a period of abundance in life right now (even without a job..go figure!). Allow me an indulgence and let me say that I feel blessed right now. I have no idea what else is going on in these power brokers lives, and it may not be much to speak of. If anything, what I have is pretty darn good if not ideal.
3. Tunnel vision ain't so bad, but don't let it hold you back. Keeping your focus on bettering yourself AND encouraging and supporting others is really the way to go. Whenever I can, I meet with, talk to or provide networking opportunities to anyone I can. I'm motivated by the belief that whatever energy you put out into the world will come back to you. Even if it doesn't directly, I think the person you helped will hopefully help someone else creating this lovely little web of good vibes. Sorry for the cheese factor, but I think you know what I mean. And, no, I've never seen "Pay it Forward." :)
Well this wasn't so bad. I hope you all don't think I am a complete knuckle head for writing this, but I'm sure that many of us think about this at some point in our journeys.
So am I just jealous, and I don't want to come clean with myself? What do you do make sure you don't compare yourself to others?
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2 comments:
Ugggg. I am learning to recognize it when the ugly green eyed monster comes a calling. Just like you- I get jealous really really easily, BUT on the other spectrum, I am REALLY learning to appreciate what I/we have, and how great that is. I think being able to recognize the good and bad is all apart of the growing experience. And I promise, you'll come out ahead!!!
I could have written this exact post! Down to the fact that we don't even WANT the trappings of success -- husband and I both have made many choices that put quality of life over money and prestige -- but still sometimes it's hard to look around at one's peer group and think "well, what about me?" At least you've got a great attitude about the whole thing.
In other news, was excited to hear about your upcoming swing through my neck of the woods. By all means let me know if you want to grab coffee-and-a-chat with another former lawyer without a career path. Don't know whether I'd have any solutions or advice, but at least I have endless fascination with your search!
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