WeVerb Day 8 - Choice

WeVerb Day 8 - Choice

What was the biggest choice you made in 2011? What caused you to choose what you chose?

Oy! I don't like this prompt because it means that I have to get personal. :) I really racked my brain for this one, but I would say that the biggest decision might have been choosing not to try to have a child in 2011.

Lots of people on the internet like to tell me that I am old regarding children, pregnancy, etc.. I'm fine with that. However, they don't live in my world. In my world this year, we had to deal with major emotional and financial strains as it relates to other people in our lives. Supporting others AND possibly a baby just wasn't in the cards for us. I know the old adage that "There will never be a right time to have a child," but I assure you this wasn't the time for us.

Also I'm still working out some kinks career-wise in my camp, and I'd like to have those settled a bit more before we go down this road. How settled I need to be is really the question for 2012.

Brain Dump - 1.5.11

I usually don't just write random things, but in an effort to engage with this blog more regularly, I thought I would just write what I am thinking/what's going on. I'm calling it a Brain Dump. :)

1. The only jobs I am currently finding that are remotely interesting to me are in DC. I have always knows that DC is a good place for me: someone who has a law degree and an interest in policy/government, writing, etc. D.C. is the land of people with law degrees (and who often don't use them), so there would be lots of opportunities for me there. D.C. is also probably the only place where Jim (my husband, not his real name) and I can agree to move, except we don't want to move. I LOVE where we live, and Jim's job is really tied to living in New York. You can kinda do his job elsewhere but not really. We would most likely have to leave the country, which I actually would love as well (other than NY, I would be at a loss as to where to live). Either way, since Jim is not keen on the idea of having a long distance marriage (I wonder why not), I guess I am only applying to jobs in New York.

2. I am learning how to practice the idea of "Release" What I mean by that is letting the Universe/God/Whatever deity or force you believe in do the work for you. One of the things that I need to be more mindful of is letting go and letting things work our for themselves. I think the reason why I am so bad at this is because I am quite impatient (although technically having not having a steady job for about a year can really do that to a person). Either way, I need to let go, and let things fall into place where they can. I just wish it wasn't taking so darn long. :)

3. People need to mind their own reproductive business. No, I don't have children yet, and it is really none of your business whether I want them, are currently trying to have them or are pregnant. Mind your own business. I'm not talking to you all, lovely readers, just others who seems to think this is something that I want to discuss with them. I'm getting to the point where I am going to wholesale go off on someone and get ghetto fab in their face, and I really don't want to do that. :)

Happy Wednesday!

Ranty McRanterson + Some Interesting News

I think that's my new name. I DO have an explanation for my absence. It's in the vlog. Also please allow me to rant a little in this vlog. I also think it's my 12th vlog and not my 10th. Apparently, 33 is greater confirmation of my slow descent into senility. :)

Are you enjoying fall? Do you have any tips for how to cook a Thanksgiving turkey? I just found out this morning that my in-laws are actually coming for Thanksgiving. Oy!

I hope you all are well and not too offended by me. :)

Lots of hugs!
TSN

I'm Supposed to Be...

Excited, right? I got another job interview. The problem is that I am totally weirded out. Is weirded out a word? This whole thing is throwing me out of whack. Hear me talk about it in my new vlog:

That being said, I am very thankful for the interview. I just don't know what it means for my journey. Hmmm....

Have a great weekend, and let me know if you end up going to see the "Babies" movie. :)

Faith.....

......is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things unseen.

Yep. I DID IT! I've decided to make the biggest, most craziest step in my professional career. I quit my job. After changing my mind every minute for a good month I decided to leave. In a way this is a complete act of faith for me. I thought to myself that I've never totally explored what I've wanted to do in an in-depth way. I've always done what was safe and taken jobs that came first just because they were offered. This time around I hope that won't be the case.

I see this as a way to let God/Allah/the Universe (or whatever you believe in) lead me to where I should be. Hopefully a path will unfold for me and God will close the doors and open the doors necessary for me to FINALLY figure out what the heck I should be doing with myself. Now whether I am completely at peace is a whole other story. When you're seeing media accounts of people who a suffering because they were laid off, I feel like a self-indulgent fool for doing this. There are many people who would love my job, no? (Although if you had my former boss, probably not)

Telling my boss was easier than I thought. I was sooooo nervous to track her down to tell her especially when I work in a place with no walls and no privacy. Then I learned a week later why she barely flinched when I told her. She was leaving herself. That's right. It was announced a few days that she was getting a promotion and moving to a different city to head a different work group. Even though I tried, I actually didn't see her on my last day. I guess I can't expect much from someone who was not interested in my growth and development, right? I think in some ways, it was her "F--- you" to me. To leave a job with nothing lined up is a public but silent way of saying that you're not happy. Maybe she knew that people would think something about her management skills (or lack thereof) at hearing me leave. Who knows?! I think she just didn't care.

I've been neglecting this blog because it overwhelms me, but I will keep trying to tell my story on a daily basis or as much as I can muster. I know I can't be the only person out there this crazy. :)

Should I Stay or Should I Go?/The Difference Between Time vs. Money

I haven’t written in awhile not because there is anything to write. In fact, there’s too much.

I have a lot on my mind and one of the biggest being whether or not I should quit my job. Yes, I just wrote that. Yes, I know that we’re in the worst recession since the Great Depression and that many people are clamoring for a job right now. I work in government, so I know how bad the economy is (It's bad, my people). Yes, you're never supposed to leave a job without having another lined up. I know all of the job "rules." I am still talkin' “crazy,” and I really don't care how irrational it may sound.

Right now, I'm at the point where I'm sometimes up at night staring at the ceiling thinking about where I'm supposed to be next. I get random little mini-anxiety attacks in the middle of the day. What happens if I leave? What if I don't find a job for a year or more? What will possible future employers say about me leaving this job so soon after I've started? What will I do with all of that time especially since for the first time since being 5 years-old I have no frickin' idea what I would do? Plain and simple, would leaving result in me FUBAR-ing my career?

Because I make lists for darn near everything (do you think I can paid for that?), I made a pros and cons list about leaving my job.

Staying at Ye Olde Job until July/October

Pros	Cons
1. I will have a job and income until July or October	1. I will spend another year doing something that I am uninterested topically/not moving forward. I feel like I am wasting my time.
2. It looks good to have two years (or close to two years) on the job for the resume. Employers will not ask as many questions.	2. If Jim (my husband and not his real name) and I are thinking about trying to have kids at some point in the next couple of years, I want to be established in a new job before we do so.

Leaving in December if I DO NOT have a job of any kind

Pros	Cons
1. I will have full time to look for what I want to do. Possibly take courses, etc.	1. We will have considerably less income or savings coming in
2. I will not have to live somewhere else/travel for a half year	2. With this economy no idea how long it will take me to get another job
3. I will not have to deal with Boss Lady and this stupid department	3. Depending on how long it takes to find a job, I will need to explain to prospective employers about only being at my job for 14 months.

By leaving now, I avoid the the weekly travel for six months out of the year that is an integral part of my job and that wrings the life out of me. Work travel doesn't have to be all that bad. I know lots of people do it. Here's why it sucks for me:

1. I can't move around on my own - I live in a city with public transport and travel each week to a suburban place. The only real way I have to get around is with my coworkers in our car. That means I eat where they eat, and I go where they go.

2. We're not exactly going to the most interesting of place each week. I go to the same place. There's not much there to do. Sorry to say it, but it's the truth.

3. I miss my friends, my husband and my home. That's pretty damn important.

In the end this decision boils down to time and money. Am I willing to sacrifice the time that I will spend working at a job that is not pushing me in the right direction for the security of income and piling up time on my resume? In some ways, I feel like time is something that I will never get back.

By the way, did I tell you I would need to give my notice in a week at the latest? Oh yeah....that too.